THE ANGRY PREGNANT LADY
I think about leaving damn near every fucking day…..when I’m mad at him of course. Sometimes I cant control my anger. ‘Throwing shoes at the wall, kicking the wall, screaming as loud as I can into my pillow, and stabbing a plastic fork into his pillow all the while picturing his face. Mind you this happened within a five minute span of each other. Honestly, I would consider that pretty mild considering the fact that I wanted to break a glass against the wall….but I would have to clean it up. Then I thought about throwing my laptop, but I have after-school work to get done and that would only hurt me. Finally I wanted to throw our air purifier and watch it break into pieces, but In paid $100 for it so that was out.
After it was all said and done I just cried my eyes out while trying to count to ten while calming my nerves. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and I felt so guilty for allowing myself to become so upset. I felt guilty because I didn’t want to harm my baby in any way.
The sound of his voice makes me want to slap any person whom sounds remotely close to him, I love him but despise him. My emotions are out of control and he doesn’t understand them or could give a tiny rats ass….which is why I see why females become lesbians. Today I’m angry, in a few minutes he will try to rub on my ever expanding stomach while I’m glaring at him. I can’t deny him the right of bonding with his son, he’s inside my belly but my skin do not want to be touched.
This anger mask the beauty of my heart and soul. Today when he calls me I say under my breath, “What the fuck do you want?” but out my mouth is just a simple yes.
So what happens now? Tomorrow I may be better or I might have another angry day. In the meantime I will go buy cheap plates to break outside until I feel better.
Signing out…The Angry Pregnant Lady….tomorrow hopefully I will just be pregnant.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton